In an unprecedented show of success, Revelations and Redemption joined forces to take on the most powerful evils in the world. However, the most powerful evils in the world were not available at the moment, so we left a message and headed to Icecrown. Through a combination of our unique strategy and ingenious play scoring system, we were able to streamline the raid to what mere mortals might consider unimaginable. No, the irony of saying someone would consider something unimaginable isn’t lost on me, but certain concessions must be made for pointlessly dramatic affect–but I digress. For the first time ever, Revelations is going to share our successful recipe for forming, leading, and running successful raids.

Step 1 – Recruitment
This step is crucial. I suggest trade chat. You want your spam message to be unique and specific, letting people know that you mean business and the raid isn’t for those who are dead weight. Make sure to use all caps for extra emphasis, try to abbreviate anything at all possible (the extra attention to efficiency will certainly grab extra attention from serious raiders), and try to have a reasonable gearscore requirement. Something like “LFM NEED HLRS AND TANKS 4 ICC25 NO SCRUBS GS 8k+ WH 4k+ ONLY PST” should suffice.

No doubt those with the courage to respond will be only the cream of the crop as far as hardcore raiding goes, but every now and then a terrible will also try to sneak their way into your raid. Here’s what you can look out for. Anyone that sends a tell that forces you to think to yourself: “was that really English or did some Scandanavian mail-order bride escape from her cage and hop on papi’s laptop again?” is probably a keeper. Yeah they can’t communicate effectively enough to order a Big-Mac at a drive through, but rest assured, the law of averages dictates that since they are so bad at human interaction, they must be awesome at raiding. Anyone with 3 or more X’s in their name like SuperStabRogueXXX or Xdeathnightxx or megaXxXpewpewmage is also a keeper. Also any hunters or rogues named legolas or deathknights named Arthas–the originality and familiarity with the genre shows intense dedication. Finally, keep an eye peeled for those recruits with specific demands and an aura of superiority. This indicates that not only do they have the betterment of the raid in mind, but they’re willing to help out the newer players with helpful insight into their class, making the raiding environment more enjoyable for everyone.

Step 2 – Raid Instruction (Optional)
Honestly there’s nothing important here as far as details go, explaining or paying attention to encounter mechanics is an over-rated practice that scrubs like to trumpet as reasons why they keep wiping to trivial content. Make sure everyone has flasks though, this is important. Tanks go tank stuff and dps kill everything, if anyone dies, yell at the healers or replace them if necessary.

Most of this stage will be made up of giving inspirational speeches in the case of wipes and keeping your raid in line if they start complaining. Make sure they know who the boss is. The best way to deal with bad performance is usually yelling, but sometimes can be leaving the raid and logging out for the night as well. In the case of a trivial wipe, recommended pump-up talks could be: “Guys, this is easy as shit, just stop sucking and let’s kill this already”, or “I swear to god if one of you retards screws that up again we’re done for the night”. In the case of many wipes on the same boss, becoming more obstinate will show strength and prevent the raid from becoming discouraged. If all else fails, just tell the raid to shut the hell up and do it like professionals.

Stage 3 – Profit
Self Evident. Try not to brag too much about your kills and the resulting loot. 4-5 times in general chat per raid as well as a realm forum post should suffice. Try not to be too condescending to those that aren’t awesome enough to enjoy your gear level, but let’s face it–you’re better than them and you have the purples to prove it. It’s also tacky to link achievements unless the goal is win an argument about who knows more how to play.

Hope everyone enjoyed the helpful walkthrough and try to stay dry while raiding out there.

Nothing rhymes with Vezax.

Then we went to see Yogg Saron in his home at the cave of Caerbannog, so we decided to bring the most fearsome creatures known to man, the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodents you’ve ever set eyes on!  These rabits have a vicious streak a mile wide, they’re killers!  I’m warning you, they’ve got huge, sharp teeth — look at the bones!  We thought we had Yogg Saron finished, but as it turns out… he has the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

As many of you already know, I am Donovan MacNabb.  When I’m getting ready for the big game, I like to eat myself a whole lot of Campbell’s Chunky Soup.  It has the nutrients and protiens I need to win the big game.

But off the field when I’m knee deep in a monster filled dungeon, I can’t always get a can of my favorite soup.  That’s when I like to break out my Feast and have a nice pre-game meal.  I’m a big man, and I need lots of Feasts though.  My teammates like to eat a lot of Feasts too, and that’s how we get through the tougher fights in this league.

 Hey Hodir… Go Long!

So as many people who know me are already aware, I played Atreyu in the Never Ending Story.  What most people don’t know, is that the little prick kid who played Bastion grew up to become a Blizzard Developer.  This time he totally combined Rockbiter and those lazer eyebeam shooting statues and created Kologarn.  That’s a bunch of crap if you ask me man.  Freaking Bastion combining sweet creatures from the best movie ever made and taking credit for it.  We killed your dumb monster Bastion, so blah.  Atreyu cannot be stopped by your dumb Never Ending Story monsters.  I hope Falcor craps on your chest while you sleep. 

You listen here and you listen good… Dragons made of metal can’t fly.  I’m an engineer damn it, and I know about planes.  Nothing made of metal can fly.  Metal is just simply too heavy, especially iron.  I don’t claim to know everything in this world, but I do know that.  Dragons with big irony wings and sharp irony claws and balls and whatnot cannot fly.  I think that’s the first law of thermodynamics.  I’m a scientist and I know things like this cause I graduated from lincoln highschool.  So in the interest of science, we ended this abomination of the laws of physics themselves!